Burksey

Written with a great ear for mimicry, Burksey is the spoof ghosted autobiography of the world''s most infamous footballing celebrity - Steve ''Burksey'' Burkes. Comically charting the sensational, ludicrous and yet strangely believable world of the fictitious superstar, Manchester United, Chelsea, Spurs and England striker, Burksey, reveals the ''real'' reasons why Gazza cried at Italia 90, why footballers wore such tight shorts in the 1980s, how London really won the 2012 Olympics, how Gabby Logan became addicted to lip gloss and why Gareth Southgate missed that penalty at Euro 96. Burksey is never short of a controversial word about his contemporaries. Of England manager Graham Taylor he says: ''A motivational tool? He certainly was.'' Of the hated German foe: "Just looking at the cocky Matthias Sammer made me want to stick one on him. And that also went for Reuter, Scholl, Kuntz; the lot of them." And of himself, Burksey rails: "Steve Burkes was a trainee drunk and a hyperactive pervent who enjoyed interfering with dead goats. And people complain there are no characters in the game any more." No areas of modern celebrity culture are left untouched by the satire in this book. From BritArt to Politics, Rehab Clinics to the Mafia, Feng Shui to Prison, Burksey examines them all from his own unique angle. Although the three Ds - drink, drugs and dolls - form the cornerstone of his leisure activities, Burksey''s takes on his other interests - politics, contemporary art and any number of modern cultural phenomena - are never less than provocative. As are his views on the numerous sporting and national celebrities with whom he crosses paths during his rumbustious career; including David Beckham, Wayne Rooney. Tony and Cherie, Sven, Jeremy Clarkson, Damien Hirst, Eric Cantona...